traveling(to)redemption

issues

maybe we are both damaged goods. him because he is too much a realist. myself because i am too much an idealist.

there can be nothing without trust. right now, we are nothing. so says his logic, although not his words.

too fast, too slow? too right, too wrong?

mr. right now, mr. never again?

spontaneous combusting. outrageous yearning. with every fiber. every single molecule.

lost hope, traveling hope. found hope, hope on the road.

redemption on the road.

breathing

breathe in, breathe out

it gets to a point when you are either so over-whelmed and worn-out, or under-whelmed and bored out of your skull, that letters and numbers and concrete reasonable logic simply do not make any more sense. they don't fall into any order, a jumble of mismatched shapes abstractly strewn across the page a la jackson pollack.

the only things that make sense right now are colors, flavors, music, the smell of a greenhouse full of plants, the smell of peatmoss, yarn and a hot cup of tea.

glowing green pajamas, pink furry-clad tootsies, obscure texts by well-known authors.

knowing what i want is the best trick of them all.

blue circles. green lines. yellow specks.

-Samantha Rose, 2007.

Meditations on the Snow

There is a silence that accompanies snow. Not an awkward or a strained one, rather one of serene contemplation and peaceful meditation. It is a silence of contentment. No birds, no wind through the grass or the tree branches, everything exposed and gently frosted, smoothing out blemishes, making parts whole again. There is nothing so delicate as undisturbed snow. A delicate balance. A delicate layer. A delicate, fragile nature of lace and ice. There is no voice in snow, yet there is every voice. There is no emotion in snow, yet there is every feeling. There is no joy in snow, yet there is a world full.

I thought about continuing this with a paragraph on the nature of man and its disturbance. Then I realized, that would defeat the purpose. That would ruin the intent. The fragile balance.

So I leave it with the gentle, wafting fall of a snowflake, it's noiseless landing, and the ever-thickening blanket of white over the landscape.

Enjoy the silence.

-Samantha Rose, 2007

abstract thoughts on my greatness

too much love to waste.
too much intelligence to squander.
too much living to do.
too much beauty to see.

my soul is of air. i am of earth. my mind is of fire and my heart is of water. but my spirit is what keeps me whole. my strength is my spirit.

i am all five.

-Samantha Rose, 2007

just like the plants

plants don't give you crap and think they are being funny, peat and perlite don't expect you to have makeup on, and plastic pots don't expect you to jump through hoops for their approval. In a greenhouse, your skill speaks for itself. The plants either live or they don't. The seeds germinate or they don't.

i don't think i will ever get tired of watching tiny plants poke through the surface of the soil, watching day by day, week by week how they grow and change. in a perfect world, we would all be plants--we would know what we are doing, we would know where we are going, and every once in a while, a giant pair of hands would help us along, trimming off the spent blooms and garbage, giving us more space to grow, giving us a little boost in our lives. A giant pair of hands to help us along the way. Because plants already know their way.

i think i like that best about plants. they already know where they are going and what to do.

i wish that i could know. just like the plants.

-Samantha Rose, 2007

the gravitas of respect

we all need to love each other more. give each other the benefit of the doubt. stop the anger. stop the violence. it can't happen on a global scale until it happens on a personal scale, a local scale, a community scale.we all have to make the decision to let go of rage and anger and annoyance. it's all small compared to the scope of our lives.

and we need to tell each other how we feel. we need to tell each other that we love them, that we value them. we need to communicate that which is most important.

because in the end, all we can give each other is love, loyalty, honesty and kindness. and everyone can give the last two, even to strangers. honor and respect. compassion and assistance. forgiveness and remembrance.

it's not a global fight anymore. the enemy has always been within ourselves. the terrorism has always been inside ourselves.

-Samantha Rose, 2007

playing catchup

so. the myspace blog has captured me. and the semester has to. and various other states of being. here i am playing catch-up and trying to make it all better.

this one is think is my favorite so far:

the current state of everything.

i can only hope. and dream. cling to that which i have and reach for that which i do not.

enjoy the support and love of my friends and family.

let negativity fall away like droplets of water on a duck's feathers. let it run rivulets down my window panes because it cannot affect me in the structure of my serenity.

take each day like the cherished object it is. think before i speak. think before i act. patiently await the time i am needed. be present, aware and strong when that time arrives.

be loyal to the death. be noble in my actions, truthful in my intent, and serene in my countenance. let no words of mine cause unjust pain and let all the words i speak be true to the truth in my heart.

love all creatures, human or otherwise. respect the divinity in all, and the humanity of my peers. cherish the individuality of everyone, though i may not agree with their choices or views.

appreciate the infinite subtleties of the human heart and experience that which i never thought i could. eliminate a personal agenda and the need for double meanings. never short on feelings. never short on joy.

never allow for misunderstandings. speak clearly, concisely and without preconceived notions of response. never take for granted what i think to be already understood. never let the sun go down on an argument. to let go of the petty and insignificant.

live to my needs but simply and efficiently. give back what i take to the earth in overabundance. help wherever i am able.

enjoy the fragile beauty of everyday occurrences. appreciate the simple joys to be found. never lose sight of that which made me happy as a child. laugh as if my soul depends on it for its existence. it does. to bring joy into the lives of everyone who brings joy into mine. and even to those who do not.

and most of all. love. love love love.

this is what i live by. what i strive to live by.

-Samantha Rose, 2007