another from June 2007.
life is not a series of moments, as most believe them to be.
it is a series of adventures, and each adventure builds up, more and more, leading to the greatest adventure of all. some of these adventures are happy, some sad, some unusual, some mundane, but they exist as episodes that can be viewed upon as true experience. and each of these smaller adventures, leading to the destination are what life really is, what life really means.
the journey is the destination. and adventures all the way.
"Never fear quarrels, but seek adventures." seek that which is the meaning of life. the journey. everyone's life, no matter how dull or exciting, has the same ultimate adventure in the end, but we can enjoy the pre-show. live the pre-show.
we cannot live our lives passively and expect to be taken along on the road less traveled. we cannot live our lives assuming that everything is understood. and we cannot live our lives with regret.
i am saying "live our lives" as in the fullest extent, the best possible way for each of us on our individual paths in life. it isn't easy, it isn't always pretty, but it is so much more satisfying when the road we choose through thought and honest philosophy, the truths that we as individuals hold and not what we are told, help us discover what we never thought possible. there will always be dull moments, there will always be unhappy times, there will always be things we wished we had/hadn't done/said/thought, but we can be more content and more alive with the knowledge that we know ourselves.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
worthy
also from june, 2007.
random ideas, random thoughts, and i can't get them all to mean anything that i want them to. i type because it's better for me, i can take my time and not waste other peoples', i can write what i cannot seem to get my mouth to say.
on a totally different note, i want everyone to know that i am worth it. maybe i didn't think i was at one time, but i do now. i won't settle for second fiddle. i am not the backup plan, or plan c for when the backup fails, i am not the cavalry, i am not the reinforcements, i am not the mother, i am not the shrink, i am not the dregs of the coffeepot, i am not that one tiny piece of cake left. i am worth being the first thought in someone's mind when they wake up. i am worth someone leaving their comfort zone to talk to me, to get to know me, to fall for me. i am worth losing a little bit of "coolness" to hang out with me. i am worth some sacrifice. i am worth someone wanting to talk to me for hours, and missing me when i'm not there. i am worth thunderbolts and chills, fireworks and melts. i am worth a partnership, an equal partnership. i am worth finding that someone, and feeling the same way about them as they do me. most importantly, i am worth that.
see what happens when i can write.
random ideas, random thoughts, and i can't get them all to mean anything that i want them to. i type because it's better for me, i can take my time and not waste other peoples', i can write what i cannot seem to get my mouth to say.
on a totally different note, i want everyone to know that i am worth it. maybe i didn't think i was at one time, but i do now. i won't settle for second fiddle. i am not the backup plan, or plan c for when the backup fails, i am not the cavalry, i am not the reinforcements, i am not the mother, i am not the shrink, i am not the dregs of the coffeepot, i am not that one tiny piece of cake left. i am worth being the first thought in someone's mind when they wake up. i am worth someone leaving their comfort zone to talk to me, to get to know me, to fall for me. i am worth losing a little bit of "coolness" to hang out with me. i am worth some sacrifice. i am worth someone wanting to talk to me for hours, and missing me when i'm not there. i am worth thunderbolts and chills, fireworks and melts. i am worth a partnership, an equal partnership. i am worth finding that someone, and feeling the same way about them as they do me. most importantly, i am worth that.
see what happens when i can write.
break on through
this is one from June, 2007.
someone asked me a question today. they meant it to be demeaning, belittling. but it didn't work. it got me to thinking.
"what is the inside of your mind like, woman?"
well, i'll tell you.
my mind is a mix. a mix of 1970 hawaii and 1870 antebellum south. of women's suffrage movement and the movement of tectonic plates. of crusades and inquisitions. of feudal japan and the futility of repression. of stone age and rock'n'roll. of paperweights and featherweights. spies and assassins. whiskey and vodka. cops and robbers. night and day.
my mind is the playing ground. a playing ground for a liberal, a moderate, a redneck, a hippie, an activist, an artist. a little old lady, a shy little girl. a rock star, a fallen star, a star getting her life back together. rehab is in style, you know.
my mind is about everything, and nothing at all. wise people know that they know nothing at all. semantics. philosophies. expositions. internalizations. externalizations. eternally.
my mind is infinity. and outside the capabilities of definitions.
someone asked me a question today. they meant it to be demeaning, belittling. but it didn't work. it got me to thinking.
"what is the inside of your mind like, woman?"
well, i'll tell you.
my mind is a mix. a mix of 1970 hawaii and 1870 antebellum south. of women's suffrage movement and the movement of tectonic plates. of crusades and inquisitions. of feudal japan and the futility of repression. of stone age and rock'n'roll. of paperweights and featherweights. spies and assassins. whiskey and vodka. cops and robbers. night and day.
my mind is the playing ground. a playing ground for a liberal, a moderate, a redneck, a hippie, an activist, an artist. a little old lady, a shy little girl. a rock star, a fallen star, a star getting her life back together. rehab is in style, you know.
my mind is about everything, and nothing at all. wise people know that they know nothing at all. semantics. philosophies. expositions. internalizations. externalizations. eternally.
my mind is infinity. and outside the capabilities of definitions.
Monday, May 07, 2007
traveling(to)redemption
issues
maybe we are both damaged goods. him because he is too much a realist. myself because i am too much an idealist.there can be nothing without trust. right now, we are nothing. so says his logic, although not his words.
too fast, too slow? too right, too wrong?
mr. right now, mr. never again?
spontaneous combusting. outrageous yearning. with every fiber. every single molecule.
lost hope, traveling hope. found hope, hope on the road.
redemption on the road.
breathing
breathe in, breathe out
it gets to a point when you are either so over-whelmed and worn-out, or under-whelmed and bored out of your skull, that letters and numbers and concrete reasonable logic simply do not make any more sense. they don't fall into any order, a jumble of mismatched shapes abstractly strewn across the page a la jackson pollack.the only things that make sense right now are colors, flavors, music, the smell of a greenhouse full of plants, the smell of peatmoss, yarn and a hot cup of tea.
glowing green pajamas, pink furry-clad tootsies, obscure texts by well-known authors.
knowing what i want is the best trick of them all.
blue circles. green lines. yellow specks.
-Samantha Rose, 2007.
Meditations on the Snow
There is a silence that accompanies snow. Not an awkward or a strained one, rather one of serene contemplation and peaceful meditation. It is a silence of contentment. No birds, no wind through the grass or the tree branches, everything exposed and gently frosted, smoothing out blemishes, making parts whole again. There is nothing so delicate as undisturbed snow. A delicate balance. A delicate layer. A delicate, fragile nature of lace and ice. There is no voice in snow, yet there is every voice. There is no emotion in snow, yet there is every feeling. There is no joy in snow, yet there is a world full.
I thought about continuing this with a paragraph on the nature of man and its disturbance. Then I realized, that would defeat the purpose. That would ruin the intent. The fragile balance.
So I leave it with the gentle, wafting fall of a snowflake, it's noiseless landing, and the ever-thickening blanket of white over the landscape.
Enjoy the silence.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
I thought about continuing this with a paragraph on the nature of man and its disturbance. Then I realized, that would defeat the purpose. That would ruin the intent. The fragile balance.
So I leave it with the gentle, wafting fall of a snowflake, it's noiseless landing, and the ever-thickening blanket of white over the landscape.
Enjoy the silence.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
abstract thoughts on my greatness
too much love to waste.
too much intelligence to squander.
too much living to do.
too much beauty to see.
my soul is of air. i am of earth. my mind is of fire and my heart is of water. but my spirit is what keeps me whole. my strength is my spirit.
i am all five.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
too much intelligence to squander.
too much living to do.
too much beauty to see.
my soul is of air. i am of earth. my mind is of fire and my heart is of water. but my spirit is what keeps me whole. my strength is my spirit.
i am all five.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
just like the plants
plants don't give you crap and think they are being funny, peat and perlite don't expect you to have makeup on, and plastic pots don't expect you to jump through hoops for their approval. In a greenhouse, your skill speaks for itself. The plants either live or they don't. The seeds germinate or they don't.
i don't think i will ever get tired of watching tiny plants poke through the surface of the soil, watching day by day, week by week how they grow and change. in a perfect world, we would all be plants--we would know what we are doing, we would know where we are going, and every once in a while, a giant pair of hands would help us along, trimming off the spent blooms and garbage, giving us more space to grow, giving us a little boost in our lives. A giant pair of hands to help us along the way. Because plants already know their way.
i think i like that best about plants. they already know where they are going and what to do.
i wish that i could know. just like the plants.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
i don't think i will ever get tired of watching tiny plants poke through the surface of the soil, watching day by day, week by week how they grow and change. in a perfect world, we would all be plants--we would know what we are doing, we would know where we are going, and every once in a while, a giant pair of hands would help us along, trimming off the spent blooms and garbage, giving us more space to grow, giving us a little boost in our lives. A giant pair of hands to help us along the way. Because plants already know their way.
i think i like that best about plants. they already know where they are going and what to do.
i wish that i could know. just like the plants.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
the gravitas of respect
we all need to love each other more. give each other the benefit of the doubt. stop the anger. stop the violence. it can't happen on a global scale until it happens on a personal scale, a local scale, a community scale.we all have to make the decision to let go of rage and anger and annoyance. it's all small compared to the scope of our lives.
and we need to tell each other how we feel. we need to tell each other that we love them, that we value them. we need to communicate that which is most important.
because in the end, all we can give each other is love, loyalty, honesty and kindness. and everyone can give the last two, even to strangers. honor and respect. compassion and assistance. forgiveness and remembrance.
it's not a global fight anymore. the enemy has always been within ourselves. the terrorism has always been inside ourselves.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
and we need to tell each other how we feel. we need to tell each other that we love them, that we value them. we need to communicate that which is most important.
because in the end, all we can give each other is love, loyalty, honesty and kindness. and everyone can give the last two, even to strangers. honor and respect. compassion and assistance. forgiveness and remembrance.
it's not a global fight anymore. the enemy has always been within ourselves. the terrorism has always been inside ourselves.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
playing catchup
so. the myspace blog has captured me. and the semester has to. and various other states of being. here i am playing catch-up and trying to make it all better.
this one is think is my favorite so far:
the current state of everything.
i can only hope. and dream. cling to that which i have and reach for that which i do not.
enjoy the support and love of my friends and family.
let negativity fall away like droplets of water on a duck's feathers. let it run rivulets down my window panes because it cannot affect me in the structure of my serenity.
take each day like the cherished object it is. think before i speak. think before i act. patiently await the time i am needed. be present, aware and strong when that time arrives.
be loyal to the death. be noble in my actions, truthful in my intent, and serene in my countenance. let no words of mine cause unjust pain and let all the words i speak be true to the truth in my heart.
love all creatures, human or otherwise. respect the divinity in all, and the humanity of my peers. cherish the individuality of everyone, though i may not agree with their choices or views.
appreciate the infinite subtleties of the human heart and experience that which i never thought i could. eliminate a personal agenda and the need for double meanings. never short on feelings. never short on joy.
never allow for misunderstandings. speak clearly, concisely and without preconceived notions of response. never take for granted what i think to be already understood. never let the sun go down on an argument. to let go of the petty and insignificant.
live to my needs but simply and efficiently. give back what i take to the earth in overabundance. help wherever i am able.
enjoy the fragile beauty of everyday occurrences. appreciate the simple joys to be found. never lose sight of that which made me happy as a child. laugh as if my soul depends on it for its existence. it does. to bring joy into the lives of everyone who brings joy into mine. and even to those who do not.
and most of all. love. love love love.
this is what i live by. what i strive to live by.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
this one is think is my favorite so far:
the current state of everything.
i can only hope. and dream. cling to that which i have and reach for that which i do not.
enjoy the support and love of my friends and family.
let negativity fall away like droplets of water on a duck's feathers. let it run rivulets down my window panes because it cannot affect me in the structure of my serenity.
take each day like the cherished object it is. think before i speak. think before i act. patiently await the time i am needed. be present, aware and strong when that time arrives.
be loyal to the death. be noble in my actions, truthful in my intent, and serene in my countenance. let no words of mine cause unjust pain and let all the words i speak be true to the truth in my heart.
love all creatures, human or otherwise. respect the divinity in all, and the humanity of my peers. cherish the individuality of everyone, though i may not agree with their choices or views.
appreciate the infinite subtleties of the human heart and experience that which i never thought i could. eliminate a personal agenda and the need for double meanings. never short on feelings. never short on joy.
never allow for misunderstandings. speak clearly, concisely and without preconceived notions of response. never take for granted what i think to be already understood. never let the sun go down on an argument. to let go of the petty and insignificant.
live to my needs but simply and efficiently. give back what i take to the earth in overabundance. help wherever i am able.
enjoy the fragile beauty of everyday occurrences. appreciate the simple joys to be found. never lose sight of that which made me happy as a child. laugh as if my soul depends on it for its existence. it does. to bring joy into the lives of everyone who brings joy into mine. and even to those who do not.
and most of all. love. love love love.
this is what i live by. what i strive to live by.
-Samantha Rose, 2007
Thursday, October 12, 2006
a lesson in life, boys and girls
we put ourselves out there for the sake of love. doesn't matter what kind of love, platonic, filial, etc. and sometimes it leaves us hurt, and sometimes it doesn't. the fairytales in our minds never really translate into reality, and that, boys and girls, is the realization which is the bridge into adulthood. That is when our childhood ends.
we love. and sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. we dig into ourselves and uncover things, but in the process we dangle our most fragile hearts in front of the shark tanks of society. and through our losses and failures we learn. and through our victories and triumphs we learn. wars may stop, the world may cease to turn, but loving, learning, and yes, even losing, never end.
we all want that fairy tale, we all want the ideal picture of happiness, but can it ever really happen? All we can do is hope for the best. All we can do is live for the best, for a little bit of happiness.
and yet, though it all, we grieve for our losses.
we love. and sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. we dig into ourselves and uncover things, but in the process we dangle our most fragile hearts in front of the shark tanks of society. and through our losses and failures we learn. and through our victories and triumphs we learn. wars may stop, the world may cease to turn, but loving, learning, and yes, even losing, never end.
we all want that fairy tale, we all want the ideal picture of happiness, but can it ever really happen? All we can do is hope for the best. All we can do is live for the best, for a little bit of happiness.
and yet, though it all, we grieve for our losses.
Monday, September 25, 2006
A gift for you
I wish I could capture your smile,
but I am no good with paints.
I wish I could capture your eyes,
but I am no good with cameras.
I wish I could capture your soul,
but I am no good with treasures.
I wish I could capture your heart,
but I am no good with love.
All I can hope to give to you
is my smile
every time I think of you.
All I have for you
are my eyes
every time you walk into a room.
All I have for you
is my soul
every time I am with you.
All I have for you
is my heart.
A gift for you,
for only you.
-SJR, 25.9.2006
but I am no good with paints.
I wish I could capture your eyes,
but I am no good with cameras.
I wish I could capture your soul,
but I am no good with treasures.
I wish I could capture your heart,
but I am no good with love.
All I can hope to give to you
is my smile
every time I think of you.
All I have for you
are my eyes
every time you walk into a room.
All I have for you
is my soul
every time I am with you.
All I have for you
is my heart.
A gift for you,
for only you.
-SJR, 25.9.2006
Excuse Me, Mr. President
She said,
"I don't like your rules, Mr. President.
Ninny ninny nonsense
In a dirty back alley of life."
She said,
"Give me something I can dance to, Mr. President.
No sense, no rhyme, no end,
Just let me dance and be my own thing."
She said,
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President.
I hope this one
Is better than your last.
Is better than the last."
She said,
"Lookie here, Mr. President.
Parades, Charades, Masquerades
And all of them on a Sunday."
She said,
"And don't forget there, Mr. President.
Watch the corners, watch the bottom line
And make sure you don't miss a spot."
She said,
"Oh my, Mr. President,
I think I've lost my soul.
Might we find another one
Right around the corner?"
She said,
"My dear, dear, Mr. President,
do you think we can win?
For Death comes for all of us,
And asks a pretty price."
She said,
"Just this once, Mr. President,
can you cheat the fabric of time?
Can you give a live worth living for
And keep the beggars off my door?"
He said,
"my love, our time has come and past,
we weep, we sleep, we eat, we die.
Our lives are much smaller than we think them to be.
In the end, it's in the grave we lie."
-SJR, 2006
"I don't like your rules, Mr. President.
Ninny ninny nonsense
In a dirty back alley of life."
She said,
"Give me something I can dance to, Mr. President.
No sense, no rhyme, no end,
Just let me dance and be my own thing."
She said,
"Happy Birthday, Mr. President.
I hope this one
Is better than your last.
Is better than the last."
She said,
"Lookie here, Mr. President.
Parades, Charades, Masquerades
And all of them on a Sunday."
She said,
"And don't forget there, Mr. President.
Watch the corners, watch the bottom line
And make sure you don't miss a spot."
She said,
"Oh my, Mr. President,
I think I've lost my soul.
Might we find another one
Right around the corner?"
She said,
"My dear, dear, Mr. President,
do you think we can win?
For Death comes for all of us,
And asks a pretty price."
She said,
"Just this once, Mr. President,
can you cheat the fabric of time?
Can you give a live worth living for
And keep the beggars off my door?"
He said,
"my love, our time has come and past,
we weep, we sleep, we eat, we die.
Our lives are much smaller than we think them to be.
In the end, it's in the grave we lie."
-SJR, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Meditations
meditations
love is not always enough.
a pretty thought, but not realistic.
it is not about you or the way i feel about you.
my heart is my own, so is my soul.
my mind is independant of both.
my mind constantly works on my truth.
you don't want to hear my truth.
it takes two for a relationship to fail.
it's not all my fault.
i want to be mad, but i can't.
people change, and i am not who you want me to be.
you don't even know you want me to be something else.
i can't help those who won't help themselves.
you aren't the only one that is hurting.
moving on doesn't mean forgetting. it means growth.
life is chaos. chaos is change. change is growth. growth is life.
Monday, June 12, 2006
plants and maters
All there remains is the warm fresh smell of greenhouses, the birth of new leaves and life, the grains of perlite clinging to your fingers, and the hope of life-changing blossoms. All wrapped up in a secure container, a tray to catch the spills, echoed in the straining reaches towards the light.
Airbrushed Tomatoes.
I should eat my tomatoes. They are swimming in the bottom of my bowl, covered in a slick layer of salad dressing--Newman's Own, Olive Oil and Vinegar--and they taunt me. Their plump, organic selves flinging insults in my face, as red as the flesh that covers them. I should eat them, in their smooth sheen of olive oil, airbrushing the impurities, the imperfections of organic birth, away. I should eat them. Cut up, mangled, exoskeletons of their magnificent selves, stolen from their caged green beds, to serve in the bottom of a bowl. I should eat them.
Airbrushed Tomatoes.
I should eat my tomatoes. They are swimming in the bottom of my bowl, covered in a slick layer of salad dressing--Newman's Own, Olive Oil and Vinegar--and they taunt me. Their plump, organic selves flinging insults in my face, as red as the flesh that covers them. I should eat them, in their smooth sheen of olive oil, airbrushing the impurities, the imperfections of organic birth, away. I should eat them. Cut up, mangled, exoskeletons of their magnificent selves, stolen from their caged green beds, to serve in the bottom of a bowl. I should eat them.
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